Money, money, money

I feel sad, so sad. Diabetes changed our lives, more than we ever imagined. And it is such a constant struggle ...

I had toyed with the idea of leaving my job and trying to make money from home, maybe from my Etsy shop or private violin lessons. But I can never quit, ever. I had no idea how much the dexcom supplies are until I went online today to order more sensors. This will be about $400 a month. We need to talk some more with the diabetes clinic and I really hope that insurance will cover some of it. Oh, but the irony. We can hardly pay our monthly bills and taxes right now.

I wouldn't want to miss her dexcom, it does help me to relax during the night when I can see that she is holding steady within range, or that I can treat a low bg right away. We have been getting up between 2 and 3 am every night for over two months now. I'm so grateful that most of time my husband and I can take turns. It is rough when he is out of town and I fear our upcoming vacation in Europe when it is just Red and me, for that and many other reasons.

We try to fly to Europe once a year to see my family, and flight prices have gone up steadily, so that it has always been just my daughter and me. Usually I very much look forward to seeing them all, especially my grandparents, but now this gives me a stomach ache and I try not to think about it until it gets closer to the flight date.

Trying Paleo

This is our fourth day on the paleo diet. Frankly, I will try anything at this point to keep her bg more stable, especially in the morning. The first two days were great! She loves omelett, so this was not a tough sell for breakfast. I blended the eggs with spinach and added some cubed bell pepper, it was quite nice.

After that I got more adventurous and we tried chia pudding (almond milk, honey) with banana for breakfast, resulting in 57 carbs, and that was when her bg started to spike again, followed by a low. In the evening she was low again during dinner. And today her dex peeped in the evening again to signal she was low. I hate lows during the night. It is scary to think what might happen if we miss one. And she is not always happy to be woken up. Just now it took her a long time to come to and eat some non-paleo starburst and salt sticks with juice.

I feel down. Going paleo would have been too easy a solution, eh? Hopping the worry wheel, and I don't even want to think about starting a new school and work week tomorrow. It is so hard to try to take good care of her and go to work despite all this. We need the money. I wish I had a solution.

Juggeling the bg

Red has a cold, the first one since her diagnosis. And her bg is all over the place, way to high, then too low, than high again. Now that we have a cgm, we can see it all in a nice rollercoaster curve. She started complaining about a sore throat the morning my husband went on a three-day conference, naturally. We have no family nearby, so it's just her and me, 24/7. I am glad that she gets a good night's rest, because I don't. It is either the cgm beeping, the routine checks at 10pm and 3am, or her waking with a nightmare and needing a story about kittens and puppies to help her fall back asleep.
The next morning, we cancel school and daycare, let the school nurse and our diabetes clinic know, and I inform my school (I'm a teacher) that I won't be coming in, once again. I can feel the pressure building, I have been out a lot lately, Red was diagnosed two months ago. And so we drink tea, read stories, she watches a movie, plays with the dog. And I worry. It has been four days now, my husband is back, at work, and I feel like life as I knew it is over. How can I possibly take good care of her while holding down a job? Will we ever get more stable bgs or is that just how it's going to be?